On my way home every night, I'd often chance upon an American man who preaches God's words to whoever would listen. I see him every night and in my own quiet way I'd listen to him every time. And as much as I love everything he preaches, I couldn't look at him, trying to avoid even the slightest of eye contact with him because I'm scared that if I did, he wouldn't easily let me go and teach some more. Also, I don't trust strangers easily and I've noticed too that some crooks have been using the Lord's name to trick other people. How dare them!
So every time I stood in a long line of passengers waiting for a jeepney at the terminal, I felt blessed to be hearing the words of the Lord. Sometimes, I would even whisper an amen as response to his preachings. It never fails to make me feel good.
Still, what is the sense of claiming to be blessed and absorbing every biblical passage if I do not completely trust? And this has always been my struggle on a daily basis. I don't fully trust anyone and tend to always overthink. In doing that, I become afraid to try learning and experiencing new things.
My aunt told me to get married and start having a family. I told her, there's nobody to marry. Haha! And then all of a sudden, without knowing anything about my personal life, she said that nobody is perfect, that someone will always have a flaw and that loving someone means accepting both their positive and negative qualities.
In my previous attempts at love, whenever I'd see a flaw in character I'd run away even at the start of the getting to know stage. And even when I had a virtual "boyfriend" I wanted so bad to be free the moment I found out some of his negative traits.
But I guess, my aunt's right. I may be too idealistic, I don't get to be realistic. So I want to try trusting people. I want to allow them in my life despite my skepticism. I don't want to shelter my heart anymore. I don't want to run away anymore and always be afraid of tomorrow. Guess I need to start living free and maybe then, I could truly be happy.
So every time I stood in a long line of passengers waiting for a jeepney at the terminal, I felt blessed to be hearing the words of the Lord. Sometimes, I would even whisper an amen as response to his preachings. It never fails to make me feel good.
Still, what is the sense of claiming to be blessed and absorbing every biblical passage if I do not completely trust? And this has always been my struggle on a daily basis. I don't fully trust anyone and tend to always overthink. In doing that, I become afraid to try learning and experiencing new things.
My aunt told me to get married and start having a family. I told her, there's nobody to marry. Haha! And then all of a sudden, without knowing anything about my personal life, she said that nobody is perfect, that someone will always have a flaw and that loving someone means accepting both their positive and negative qualities.
In my previous attempts at love, whenever I'd see a flaw in character I'd run away even at the start of the getting to know stage. And even when I had a virtual "boyfriend" I wanted so bad to be free the moment I found out some of his negative traits.
But I guess, my aunt's right. I may be too idealistic, I don't get to be realistic. So I want to try trusting people. I want to allow them in my life despite my skepticism. I don't want to shelter my heart anymore. I don't want to run away anymore and always be afraid of tomorrow. Guess I need to start living free and maybe then, I could truly be happy.
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