i'd like to see the smile of the skies
blossom in your eyes
i'd like to feel the warmth of your embrace
in the cold and dark of the night.
the tranquility in your breath
defeats the fear in my head.
you are you...
you are the reason that i long to.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Saturday, March 05, 2011
a really old post from my other blog: Zandro (Feb. 17, 2007)
Still can't get enough of the episode in tonight's Maalaala Mo Kaya. I don't know, for some reason I compare myself to the female character's struggle with falling in love for the first time. Nah, I don't think what I felt then was indeed love. It was probably just infatuation, my own experience of a first crush…
I remember it so well. It was in 1992. I was 13, a high school freshman. He was 16, a high school senior. I remember how he looked like then. Small, chinky-eyed, fair skinned with a cute smile… I adored everything about him, though I never got to talk to him. Ah, I did but let me elaborate on a few more details before I proceed to that encounter.
The first time I ever saw him…honestly, I can't recall. My liking didn't spring from any physical attraction although later on, I realized he actually had a pretty face to begin with. Haha. But then, I liked him not because of that pretty face of his. I admired him because he was different.
Studying in a public school, where any place within the vicinity could serve as a classroom for students, the sort of classroom for his senior section was literally placed behind the slightly elevated room us, the freshmen were occupying. Anyway, I would always peek into their class because it was much easier to peep into them than to focus my attention to our teacher whose voice I barely heard. After a while, I noticed this guy who always listened attentively to his teacher and showed great enthusiasm in the discussion each and every time. That was far from what I was doing really, I had a very short attention span. I guess I still do up to now. Haha.
Okay, to continue with my story, this guy caught my attention. I couldn't tell how he looked like from afar. Haha. But I did have a friend who knew him instantly as soon as I pinpointed him. His name, my friend said was Zandro. At that time, he was the only guy I ever knew with that name. I guess, until now he's the only one…
So everyday, I was content with observing his every gesture, his every movement…and I had fun watching him. He was always reading and studying even when his friends were outside, bullying other students. He had a circle of friends but he wasn't like anyone of them. He was always quiet and reserved. Made me think, how on earth did his friends accept him in their club in the first place? Then I realized, it wasn't hard to like a man like him.
Zandro always had a notebook and a book with him. During recess, I'd find him reading in one corner while his friends ate like mad dogs. Then I found out something which made me like him even more. My friend who knew him because her brother was Zandro's close friend and classmate told me about his family's humble background.
The guy comes from a poor family and to help in the livelihood, Zandro worked in the afternoon selling fish and vegetables in the wet market. He was there to help his mother. That was probably the reason why I often saw him skip meals. Poor boy but his mother was so lucky to have him indeed!
My friend, after a few months informed me that her brother mentioned Zandro about me. I said, "Why did you let him know of me?" My friend only smiled, "I'll introduce you to him." I angrily resisted, "No!"
Things happened too fast. I just realized, I was standing in front of the guy I liked so much. Yes, it was Zandro who was placed in front of me. He was smiling the whole time. Maybe he knew about my "infatuation" for him. I really wouldn't know what was playing on his mind then. I smiled then he said something like, "Hi, nice to meet you."
I thought I was going to die. Goodness! That was it, then I had to go because my mother was waiting for me outside. I bid him goodbye. In my head, I thought, 'Ah there will be other chances. I'll meet him again. At least he knew me already.'
Unfortunately, it would be the last time I'd ever see him. A few days later, my family suddenly moved to our new house in Caloocan. The days went by I couldn't stop crying. There were so many questions lingering in my head at that time. Why did it have to end that way? I felt as if, there was no closure to our story that merely started when we got introduced to one another. If I didn't leave, probably something could have worked out.
I cried and cried and cried until my eyes got sore. I even had a theme song for him. At that time, Donna Cruz' version of "Boy" was a huge hit on the airwaves. I'd always listen to it every single day. Whenever I did, I always cried.
Today, Zandro is just a part of a distant memory. He's the first guy I ever liked, that's a fact. I liked him because he was a good son, a good student and a good man. I don't know where he is now. The last I heard of him, around '95, he was a working student who enrolled in a vocational school. You see, he really had a will to survive.
I feel nostalgic because I remember my youth through him. I was very innocent. Somehow a part of me is still young and innocent no matter how old I get. I can't totally say that I've grown to be a good person. I can only promise that I have tried to be a good daughter to my parents, a good sister to my brother and a good friend to my peers…Something that I have patterned after Zandro's good example.
I miss the guy.
I remember it so well. It was in 1992. I was 13, a high school freshman. He was 16, a high school senior. I remember how he looked like then. Small, chinky-eyed, fair skinned with a cute smile… I adored everything about him, though I never got to talk to him. Ah, I did but let me elaborate on a few more details before I proceed to that encounter.
The first time I ever saw him…honestly, I can't recall. My liking didn't spring from any physical attraction although later on, I realized he actually had a pretty face to begin with. Haha. But then, I liked him not because of that pretty face of his. I admired him because he was different.
Studying in a public school, where any place within the vicinity could serve as a classroom for students, the sort of classroom for his senior section was literally placed behind the slightly elevated room us, the freshmen were occupying. Anyway, I would always peek into their class because it was much easier to peep into them than to focus my attention to our teacher whose voice I barely heard. After a while, I noticed this guy who always listened attentively to his teacher and showed great enthusiasm in the discussion each and every time. That was far from what I was doing really, I had a very short attention span. I guess I still do up to now. Haha.
Okay, to continue with my story, this guy caught my attention. I couldn't tell how he looked like from afar. Haha. But I did have a friend who knew him instantly as soon as I pinpointed him. His name, my friend said was Zandro. At that time, he was the only guy I ever knew with that name. I guess, until now he's the only one…
So everyday, I was content with observing his every gesture, his every movement…and I had fun watching him. He was always reading and studying even when his friends were outside, bullying other students. He had a circle of friends but he wasn't like anyone of them. He was always quiet and reserved. Made me think, how on earth did his friends accept him in their club in the first place? Then I realized, it wasn't hard to like a man like him.
Zandro always had a notebook and a book with him. During recess, I'd find him reading in one corner while his friends ate like mad dogs. Then I found out something which made me like him even more. My friend who knew him because her brother was Zandro's close friend and classmate told me about his family's humble background.
The guy comes from a poor family and to help in the livelihood, Zandro worked in the afternoon selling fish and vegetables in the wet market. He was there to help his mother. That was probably the reason why I often saw him skip meals. Poor boy but his mother was so lucky to have him indeed!
My friend, after a few months informed me that her brother mentioned Zandro about me. I said, "Why did you let him know of me?" My friend only smiled, "I'll introduce you to him." I angrily resisted, "No!"
Things happened too fast. I just realized, I was standing in front of the guy I liked so much. Yes, it was Zandro who was placed in front of me. He was smiling the whole time. Maybe he knew about my "infatuation" for him. I really wouldn't know what was playing on his mind then. I smiled then he said something like, "Hi, nice to meet you."
I thought I was going to die. Goodness! That was it, then I had to go because my mother was waiting for me outside. I bid him goodbye. In my head, I thought, 'Ah there will be other chances. I'll meet him again. At least he knew me already.'
Unfortunately, it would be the last time I'd ever see him. A few days later, my family suddenly moved to our new house in Caloocan. The days went by I couldn't stop crying. There were so many questions lingering in my head at that time. Why did it have to end that way? I felt as if, there was no closure to our story that merely started when we got introduced to one another. If I didn't leave, probably something could have worked out.
I cried and cried and cried until my eyes got sore. I even had a theme song for him. At that time, Donna Cruz' version of "Boy" was a huge hit on the airwaves. I'd always listen to it every single day. Whenever I did, I always cried.
Today, Zandro is just a part of a distant memory. He's the first guy I ever liked, that's a fact. I liked him because he was a good son, a good student and a good man. I don't know where he is now. The last I heard of him, around '95, he was a working student who enrolled in a vocational school. You see, he really had a will to survive.
I feel nostalgic because I remember my youth through him. I was very innocent. Somehow a part of me is still young and innocent no matter how old I get. I can't totally say that I've grown to be a good person. I can only promise that I have tried to be a good daughter to my parents, a good sister to my brother and a good friend to my peers…Something that I have patterned after Zandro's good example.
I miss the guy.
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