The Victory in Defeat

Just when everything has been ironed out for my planned Korean trip, there goes one of the most painful disappointments of my life: My visa application had been denied.

Honestly, I have prepared myself for the possibility of being rejected but it really is different when you’re in the situation itself.

I’m just thinking that maybe it’s the Lord’s will that the trip doesn’t push through. Maybe He has other plans for me. I’ll never really know. For now I’m just continuously praying that the Lord gives me a humble and understanding heart so I would stop being too burdened.

Not a few of my friends have advised me to consider it as a learning experience, a part of living life. It helps also that I attend a bible study that takes place in our workplace every week. If I didn’t become part of our small Christian Group, I’d probably blame either the entire Korean people or God for my defeat. Worse, I’d blame them both.

I might have cried for a moment in the solitude of my room but amazingly, I don’t feel any hatred or ill feelings towards anyone. I don’t blame anybody for such rejection. Sure, I feel disappointed, but then it’s a normal reaction to any kind of failure. Or is it really? Most of the time just because our wishes aren't granted, we deem things that do not go on our favor as a failure, a setback when it shouldn't. Maybe, it's a way to test faith.

Though I'm not discounting the pain it has caused me, looking at the brighter side, there are things to be happy about amidst all this. I’m relieved that finally I can go on with my life, that I can start focusing on other things. The Korean trip could have been a wonderful experience for me. It could have somehow taught me to live on my own, to become independent which I have not been able to practice in my life yet. But just like what everybody says, there could be a reason behind it. I may not see it now. But eventually I will understand why and will be thankful things happened the way they did. For now, all I can do is to stay happy and just leave it all up to Him, for only He knows what is best for me.