Pa-tweetums

I must be infatuated…again. But honestly, I wish I wasn't. It would have been better if I never had any of these romantic notions toward someone of the opposite sex, kasi it’s always been like a cycle. I get attracted to someone (usually from a distance), then I get too excited…with all the kilig, pa-cute, etc. My goodness! I’m soooo over that. I should be! I'm way too old for a "teeny-bopperish" infatuation.

Last week, I confided in my officemate friend about this unusual feeling in me that no matter how cute a guy is, no matter how hard he tries to “make pa-cute,” I don’t get it anymore. Then my officemate described me as someone who’s near the stage of frigidness. Frigid?! Okay, maybe…but no! Of course not.

Siguro sawa na lang talaga ako sa pagpapa-tweetums coz that was ALL I've been doing my entire life that now I'm starting to realize, I wasted my time and youth thinking and dreaming of things that never really existed, probably just in my head. Yun bang, you get too excited by the prospect of love knocking on your door pero it’s just a possibility. You create a world where you're happy, even if the person doesn't know you exist. All these things are merely part of an imagination, an illusion of what might or what could happen...In short, there isn't anything tangible. Just tangible hysteria for nothing really important.

Sure, I want to love. I want to fall hopelessly in love. Something that’s worth a lifetime coz I’m a certified hopeless romantic. But geez…I want to love and be loved back. I need that love to be reciprocated. Hindi yung ako lang ang nagmamahal. Or maybe, feeling ko lang nagmamahal na nga ako when the truth is, it's petty infatuation.

I’ve probably been deceiving myself all these years. Maybe, I’ve been hiding my real self. Sometimes, I’m guilty of denying my own feelings just to protect myself from being hurt. Maybe it’s time that I learn a lesson or two on loving and being loved. In that I mean, I should be more realistic, more sociable and less afraid to take a gamble at love.

Why am I saying all these? It’s all because I’m beginning to get myself entangled into another cycle of pa-tweetums kind of liking someone which I ultimately want to end from this point on.