With You

       

With you 

there's no harmony and no conflict,

no distance and no closeness,

no speaking and no silence,

 no joy and no sadness.

With you

I won't have to guess,

won't have to worry,

won't have to be stressed.

With you

there's no one to avoid,

or be afraid to be intimate with,

or run away from once feelings get deep.

With you

I can spare myself from heartache,

or worry our bond would break,

or fear our connection would lead to hate.

But you are a wall,

and living that way is not living at all.

I want to know how it feels to love and hate,

to hope and to despair,

and to finally risk losing or having it all.

 

Loving Someone You Cannot Have

Loving someone you cannot have. Such a sad feeling when after so many years you finally meet someone you feel good about, has all the qualities you have been looking for and even those you never thought you needed but then it turns out this person isnt someone you are supposed to even want.

There must have been a glitch in my brain. I am usually the most rational one in the family, always knew how to separate reality from imagination, possible from the impossible, truth from lie...but I don't know what happened along the way. 

I cannot forget this person. I cannot move on. I believe the only solution to this is to have amnesia. That's why I loved Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. The basic premise of the movie involves removing every memory of that one person you loved so much so you can move on and be free from being trapped in a cycle of hating and loving that same person over and over again. But then, the movie also shows that ultimately, we can never run away from it...so I dont know anymore. I guess I'll just have to be busy with things and keep working on my list of things to do before my endowment.

Speaking of my endowment, I plan to have it on the 15th of July. However that is going to be a Wednesday and my fellow RS sisters won't be available. I would love to have it on a weekend. Problem is, I feel obliged to pay for their transportation and I can't just let them go hungry. It will take a while so I feel the need to treat them at least for lunch. However, full time missionaries told me not to burden myself about those when I told them. They said the sisters will be there to support and they have been doing that without expecting anything in return to every member who had been endowed. So I guess I will have to move it to the 18th then?