I Can See Clearly Now

The hardest part in living a dream is waking up. I guess finally, I woke up last night. Yeah, I might have said it over and over again, that I’m nearing a saturation point, blah blah, blah…But all those, I must admit were a few of my deliberate attempts at denying a growing infatuation for him. I had little success...At least I had, no matter how miniscule it was.

Ever experienced being half-asleep, half-awake? You only wake up when someone either slaps you hard on your face or gives you a glass of water to drink. It happened to me last night. No water. Just plain old hard slap on the face. And I was caught off-guard.

On my way to the other side of the workplace, I chanced upon him. Naturally, I wasn’t expecting to see him so the moment our paths crossed, it was an instant “it’s you” reaction on my part. What he said afterward hit me like a violent thunder and I guess, finally ended the long agonizing dream.

“Hi po,” he casually greeted back.

I had goosebumps when I heard him say that to me. It led me to a point of realization. Why am I even having romantic notions of a guy who could already pass for my younger brother? Each time I think of it, the feeling comes back. Kinikilabutan ako, hindi dahil ayokong "nakakatanda" ang turing niya sa akin pero dahil hindi ko rin ma-accept na kailangan kong lunukin ang pride ko at magkagusto sa mas bata sa akin ng napakaraming taon. I shouldn't even like him in the first place. Geez. Kinikilabutan pa rin ako. Kaya nga sa twing nakikita ko siya ngayon, wala na 'yung malisya. 'Yung magic nawala na rin. Lahat nawala, pati 'yung mystery. I won't be surprised na the next time I ever get to talk to him, I might be of liberty to call him, “iho” na. Why not? Hay naku, I can’t help but laugh at my foolishness.

I mentioned this to my officemates. They were all at a consensus. Siguro raw kaya ayaw ko na magka-crush dun kasi may new crush na raw akong tinuturo. It’s not that at all. I might like this new guy in the office pero wala lang. Heck, I don’t even know his name, and I don’t intend to know at all. Mahirap na. I'm sure mas bata siya sa akin. 'Wag na lang. Kilabutan pa ako at mawala ang mystery. Eh di nawalan na ako ng crush totally? Panget naman na walang inspiration.

Ay basta. Wala lang 'yun. Ayoko na ma-infatuate sa kahit kanino. I want to live a worry-free life, I want to be free! Here's the song that's playing in my head:

I Can See Clearly Now

I can see clearly now the rain is gone

I can see all obstacles in my way

Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind

It's gonna be a bright bright bright bright sun shiny day

It's gonna be a bright bright bright bright sun shiny day

Oh yes I can make it now the pain is gone

All of the bad feelings have disappeared

Here is that rainbow I've been praying for

It's gonna be a bright bright bright bright sun shiny day

Look all around there's nothing but blue skies

Look straight ahead there's nothing but blue skies

I can see clearly now the rain is gone

I can see all obstacles in my way

Here is that rainbow I've been praying for

It's gonna be a bright bright bright bright sun shiny day

It's gonna be a bright bright bright bright sun shiny day