With You

       

With you 

there's no harmony and no conflict,

no distance and no closeness,

no speaking and no silence,

 no joy and no sadness.

With you

I won't have to guess,

won't have to worry,

won't have to be stressed.

With you

there's no one to avoid,

or be afraid to be intimate with,

or run away from once feelings get deep.

With you

I can spare myself from heartache,

or worry our bond would break,

or fear our connection would lead to hate.

But you are a wall,

and living that way is not living at all.

I want to know how it feels to love and hate,

to hope and to despair,

and to finally risk losing or having it all.

 

Loving Someone You Cannot Have

Loving someone you cannot have. Such a sad feeling when after so many years you finally meet someone you feel good about, has all the qualities you have been looking for and even those you never thought you needed but then it turns out this person isnt someone you are supposed to even want.

There must have been a glitch in my brain. I am usually the most rational one in the family, always knew how to separate reality from imagination, possible from the impossible, truth from lie...but I don't know what happened along the way. 

I cannot forget this person. I cannot move on. I believe the only solution to this is to have amnesia. That's why I loved Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. The basic premise of the movie involves removing every memory of that one person you loved so much so you can move on and be free from being trapped in a cycle of hating and loving that same person over and over again. But then, the movie also shows that ultimately, we can never run away from it...so I dont know anymore. I guess I'll just have to be busy with things and keep working on my list of things to do before my endowment.

Speaking of my endowment, I plan to have it on the 15th of July. However that is going to be a Wednesday and my fellow RS sisters won't be available. I would love to have it on a weekend. Problem is, I feel obliged to pay for their transportation and I can't just let them go hungry. It will take a while so I feel the need to treat them at least for lunch. However, full time missionaries told me not to burden myself about those when I told them. They said the sisters will be there to support and they have been doing that without expecting anything in return to every member who had been endowed. So I guess I will have to move it to the 18th then? 

Thoughts on the Korean series Marrying a Millionaire

I finally finished watching Marrying a Millionaire and though it actually had a happy ending, I was hoping to see more of Eun Young and Young Hoon together in their happier, less problematic moments as a couple.

Anyway, this series touched my heart so deeply. I guess, I related to it because it really isn't a formulaic love story where in one lead is rich and the other one is poor...and that basically would always be the thing they had to deal with. In this series, both leads are actually poor and somehow struggling in a society that is kind to the fortunate and privileged, but brutal to those that were lacking.

For me, it is the simplicity in the manner in which these ordinary characters reacted during tough situations and how they spoke from their hearts' sincerest feelings that made a deep connection to my heart. A man who has struggled to find a way to survive despite his lack of intelligence. A woman who stood by his side even at a chance of a better life. A family that needed to have a reason before realizing to do what's right.

I don't remember crying this much for a series, or maybe my memory isn't all that good. But what I really liked about it is that it doesn't focus merely on romance. Rather, it uses romance as a platform to tackle more important issues in life such as persistence through difficulties, hope despite failures, kindness, gratitude and forgiveness. Most of all, it tells us that love indeed conquers every battle. There isn't anything in this world that cannot be done when you have someone behind you, to inspire and encourage you to become a better person each day.

And yes, Go Soo made me cry again. He was able to depict Young Hoon's pure heart through the softness in his tone, the sincerity in his delivery and the warmth and kindness in his gaze. And though some characters went outright villainous, almost every one had some form of a redemption. In real life, nobody is totally bad. There is always a good in there somewhere.

Well, this series is now one of my all time favorites. I think I might have explained why a little too much. 

Why do I have a feeling I am being stalked? 

I have reached the edge of the cliff with him. It used to be either a hot or cold feeling for him. Now it is just indifference. Everyday, my heart is growing bitter and I do not like this feeling. I want to go back to how my life was a year ago, when I was more active, more positive, more happy. I want to set myself free from things that won't make me become a better me. I guess, it is time to move on.

Who on earth posts a picture of himself happily smoking? Even if he did it for a photoshoot, he must understand that magazines and cigarette companies use those images to sell products. He isn't selling a cigarette, he is promoting himself. Or maybe, he knows it is bad for the health and image but he looks handsome on the picture therefore he should post it. Well now, he has gotten even more shallow. I wish to think not. I like him but some of the things he does are annoying. And yes, I am not blinded by faith. I won't kiss his ass just because I like him.

Living Free

On my way home every night, I'd often chance upon an American man who preaches God's words to whoever would listen. I see him every night and in my own quiet way I'd listen to him every time. And as much as I love everything he preaches, I couldn't look at him, trying to avoid even the slightest of eye contact with him because I'm scared that if I did, he wouldn't easily let me go and teach some more. Also, I don't trust strangers easily and I've noticed too that some crooks have been using the Lord's name to trick other people. How dare them!

So every time I stood in a long line of passengers waiting for a jeepney at the terminal, I felt blessed to be hearing the words of the Lord. Sometimes, I would even whisper an amen as response to his preachings. It never fails to make me feel good.

Still, what is the sense of claiming to be blessed and absorbing every biblical passage if I do not completely trust? And this has always been my struggle on a daily basis. I don't fully trust anyone and  tend to always overthink. In doing that, I become afraid to try learning and experiencing new things.

My aunt told me to get married and start having a family. I told her, there's nobody to marry. Haha! And then all of a sudden, without knowing anything about my personal life, she said that nobody is perfect, that someone will always have a flaw and that loving someone means accepting both their positive and negative qualities.

In my previous attempts at love, whenever I'd see a flaw in character I'd run away even at the start of the getting to know stage. And even when I had a virtual "boyfriend" I wanted so bad to be free the moment I found out some of his negative traits.

But I guess, my aunt's right. I may be too idealistic, I don't get to be realistic. So I want to try trusting people. I want to allow them in my life despite my skepticism. I don't want to shelter my heart anymore. I don't want to run away anymore and always be afraid of tomorrow. Guess I need to start living free and maybe then, I could truly be happy. 

First of all, there is humanity on earth! 

He posted something other than a picture of his pretty face. He was still in the picture, but at least he's in a restaurant, posing in a candid way. For that, I'm so happy. And please, heaven help us no more of  pictures having a "blemish" caption. I couldn't even find a single mark on his face. Geez, if his face is a representation of blemish, then what would my face be representing? A huge pimple? Hahaha! Is he that vain to worry about a blemish that doesn't exist? I seriously cannot! Haha!

Well anyway, as for the real reason why I'm writing this...It is because finally, my Korean friend was able to give my gift to him, or should I say, to his manager. You see, before my travel to Korea, I had planned to give him a gift if I were to see him. But he wasn't in Korea when I came so I asked this very good friend to give it to him if she'd ever see him personally. And today, she gave it to his manager. 

Right now, I don't know if he has my gift. I suppose he has. If he doesn't, I also wouldn't be surprised. Honestly, I don't know what to feel. Should I be happy or sad? I'm actually more of anxious. Will he like the cap I gave him? It isn't too fancy. I hardly buy gifts for guys, just for my dad and brother. 

So I was really worried and all...until my friend convinced me to think otherwise. She said that whether he likes our gift or not, what's important is, we put our hearts into our gifts. Yup. That relieved me actually.

And she's right too. These celebrities are far too distant from us. There is no way to know who they really are. And we can't blame them if they don't like to open up or if they aren't in the mood to talk to a fan. I think she's right too when she mentioned that based on that last encounter, we should just like him as an actor and not as much as a person, or we'd be disappointed. 

I guess the problem is really us, not him. You see, we keep finding the qualities we think he possesses based on the interviews we've seen and the transcripts we've read of him. I've realized, that is both not fair to him and to us. We created a perfect being of him in our minds. The problem is, he is not perfect. Nobody is. And why do I have a wishlist of pictures I wish to see on his account? Am I his wife or something? Haha! 

I cannot believe how much more immature I've become ever since I became a fangirl. From now on, I will look at his pictures and like them if I truly like them. If I find a picture too narcissistic, then I won't hit the like button. Simple as that. I really don't care anymore if he shows a human side because maybe through his postings, he's actually trying to be himself.

I actually thought about it this morning...Maybe it's better that he posts those things than be so addicted to posting about everything. I am guilty of that myself, taking a picture of my food, posting it before eating. Think I'm addicted to social media and I may be nearing the hopeless case. So, I promise to live life normally from today on. 

I will still be a fangirl. Heck, my heart still leaps every time I see him. But I will try to go back to being a normal fangirl. Not the too obsessive, manipulative, judgemental fan that I always am. Actually, I'm more critical of those that I love more than those that I don't. I am myself's worst critic. 

So I hope he forgives me for putting so much pressure on him. I'll try to be a better fan next time. Just please, I pray he doesn't get to be superficial and narcissistic. Please????

Well there...he's at it again. I don't think I will like it. I mean, I like the picture but I don't like his being narcissistic yet again so I won't be clicking the like button of that picture. Nah! Oh gosh...why do I have a love-hate thing for him? One moment I adore him, the other I totally hate what he does. Guess I need to find something else to do or someone else to like. Heck! I need to get married. Now!!! But geez...I gotta have a boyfriend first, right? Screw that! I'm a hopeless case. Lol.

There's this dialogue from one of my favorite teen movies Some Kind of Wonderful that didn't really mean anything to me then but which makes more sense to me now.

"You can't judge a book by its cover."

"But you could pretty much tell much it would cost you."

As you all know, I like this thespian so much and I've been in love with him for several months now. Honestly, I still do...till now. I cannot fight it at the moment. Haha! But I guess my liking has been reduced to a superficial level. And I will tell you why.

He's quite new to social media and just recently created his own account. When fans found out about it, everyone including myself jumped at the chance of following him, leaving comments and stuff. I was so eager to post and was really enjoying myself, seeing all his postings...until my scrutinizing, idealistic self started to creep in again.

Little by little, I was observing his posts, analyzing the things he was showing. He likes to get his pictures from other fan accounts and post them on his account. He likes taking selfies, whatever angle, wherever, inside his car, at the airport, at the bus station, anywhere. He likes to post pictures and videos of himself doing boxing trainings. Aside from that he likes to follow sexy girls, mostly the Caucasian looking ones.

Yup, I know that is his account. It is his business. And I should be happy to see him post and all. But, I have a mind that analyzes all by itself and I couldn't control it. My head goes: What? Too many selfies and pictures that I already have in my computer. He really likes seeing his face eh. Does he love himself so much? Is he a narcissist? And what about those sexy girls? Why is he following them when he could be following his friends? As for the training videos, it's fine but goodness, when you show sports stuff to mostly female fans, they will only look at it because they either want to stare at your legs, your abs or see how much you sweat coz fangirls love everything even when they don't. You know when a joke isn't funny but a cute guy says it and girls still laugh? That sort of thing. Haha!

Anyway, I really cannot judge him based on a few posts, right? That would be unfair to him. He hasn't really posted much so I couldnt really tell how he is as a person. And that becomes the problem. Based on his posts so far, all I see is a self-absorbed man who likes to look good, show off and chase sexy women. Ouch!

Because of the lack of "humanity" in his posts, he seems to be just that...a pretty hard-bound book that doesn't contain much and that which you can guess the cost by just looking at. I love him. I wish I didn't. But somehow, all of those guys I have liked in the past had some selfless quality in them. I'm sure he has. I have just not seen. And frankly, he doesn't need to have a reason to show that quality to anyone. I know. He's a very private person.

But then, even in the simplest things can a person's heart be seen. How I wish to see him post about the coffee he drank today, or the dvd copy of the movie he watched yesterday, or maybe the book he reads to his children at night. But maybe, I was expecting too much. Maybe, it is my fault that I created this perfect image of him. Maybe, in posting what he has been posting, he was actually being honest and more 'human'. I don't know...

I guess, I should really just love him as an actor with great acting ability and a beautiful face. Problem is, a beautiful face isn't all I look for in a person. I need to see a  beautiful soul. Now I'm not too sure how far this madness will go.

A pretty face without substance is like a movie with a catchy teaser but without a story. I don't think I will last. I hate myself when I like someone at a superficial level.


P.S. And one last thing. If he's going to grab pictures from his fan accounts, he might as well get one from each so everybody is happy. I mean, it's not like we're that many.

Long-Forgotten Past

I'm going to make this entry short and sweet. Last week, I had an encounter with Mr. Guy from the past. It led me to remember the moment where it all started. He was again, not mindful of his actions, how his ways could cause an innocent mind to think differently about him. Heck, for a moment I even thought he was going to kiss me. Haha! That was actually funny! Lol.

Anyway, I happened to watch My Best Friend's Wedding again a few days ago and coincidentally, a favorite line of mine from the film sums up what I felt at that brief encounter with the flirty guy.

"If you love someone, say it right then, out loud. Otherwise, the moment just passes you by."

I probably loved him or the idea of being with him for very obvious reasons and I must say that whenever I'd see him, I'd be reminded of a wonderful episode that had happened in my long-forgotten past. But I cannot bring back the feelings I had for him back then. Trying to bring back what I felt is like resurrecting the dead. I can't do that. I'm happy with my life now. My heart is so alive! 

Intro to a novel I plan to write and it's based on a true story

It was 1948. I was one of the most famous artists of the time. Everything anyone could ever wish for came to me. People went to the theatre to see my films. They bought my records to hear me sing. I was sought after and admired. But that was the last year the world has ever heard of me. No, I didn't die. In fact, I lived again... I lived a happy, quiet, full life.

On Marriage and Being a Fangirl

This is obviously my first post of the year. Yay! I'm especially thrilled this year because I'll be travelling to Korea in May. Oh Lord, please help me get that much needed visa. I've been rejected in 2007 when I first applied. I think I even posted a few entries to this blog about that missed chance. Since it's still in May, I believe it's best to apply for a visa a month before, so that would be April. Oh gosh! I cannot wait!

As for the things my friend and I will be doing, there's nothing final yet. Heck, we're just too ecstatic it doesn't matter if we'd ever look like clueless foreigners there. And as trivial as it sounds, the real reason I'm going to Korea is to find my favorite Korean actor, Jang Hyuk. Let me ease my fellow fangirls' worries, I won't be stalking him. But I will be praying that some form of a miracle from above will bring me to him. Haha! Forgive me. I've been this crazy for several months now.

And when everyone else is pushing me to get married because they worry too much that I'm nearing my edge, I hold on to this obsession like a teenager dying to meet her crush. Oh life! What to do?

There have been a few chances but I just couldn't force myself, right? I believe that love should bind two people together. When there's no love, what is there to hold on to? And I'm not even the superficial type. I don't care whatever one looks like, just as long as I feel a certain "spark".  Crap. Who believes in spark in this day and age? I do! I want to feel my heart jump, leap, fly and soar whenever I see that someone. I want to work hard for a relationship that I want so much.

My friends say I'm too idealistic yet impractical. That there's no such thing as romantic love. That most people don't end up with their true love. That I will grow old alone if it's all about feelings. Am I a hopeless romantic or merely hopeless? For now, I don't want to worry about it. All I'm thinking of is that trip to Korea. I guess marriage and fangirling really don't go together.

Living Life Happily

My journey towards finding love is getting bleaker each day. But maybe, that is not what I am looking for. I guess that finally I have come to a realization, an admission that though people are all giving me a red signal on my still being single at my age, I really do not desire to find a man.

When I turned 30 in May 2008, my friends and colleagues started to express their worries because I wasn't married yet. Heck, I never even had a boyfriend. So I guess the pressure got the best of me and I started to open up myself to other people more. But the problem was, I was always either at home or at work, nowhere else. Going out isn't my thing and it's not even that I'm not sociable. I just love being in the house. And in the workplace, there was just work, work, work.

So one evening, while browsing through one of my social media accounts, I chanced upon an old classmate of mine who was living abroad. After a constant exchange of messages, he asked if I wanted to allow him to be romantic with me. I paused a long time and eventually said yes. So the next day, I told my officemates about it and they congratulated me for finally getting a boyfriend. Call me naive but honestly I didn't think of it that way. I actually thought he wanted to court me. Stupid me.

Anyway, so this boyfriend of mine was thousands of miles away from me but he promised to come home and eventually marry me. I guess at that point, I was more excited at the idea of getting married than actually getting to know the person I was having a relationship with. He often called me up and I liked talking to him except when he was getting a little bit out of line which I'm not going to mention anymore.

As a woman, there are things that I value so much, but I guess as a man, he couldn't fully respect. I understood him but it was hard to accept his character. We were different in so many ways. I did try to embrace our differences but I guess not for too long because one night he called me up in the drunken state he always was, paranoid and jealous, said he wanted to break up with me. Without hesitation, I accepted.

The following morning, he called and asked what he said the previous night. I told him he wanted us to break up and that I agreed. He then said he didn't mean it, that he was drunk. But I guess, I was actually waiting for that chance to free myself from him. Not because I disliked him but because I was in that relationship for the wrong reason, that I needed to be in a relationship more than I wanted to be with a man.

When I watched the Korean version of Fated to LoveYou, I felt like Kim Miyoung a lot of times. I'm never able to say no to anyone. I couldn't break up with him even if I was getting hurt by his actions. When he asked for a breakup, I grabbed the chance. The hardest part was convncing him to let go. After that, I avoided his calls.

Looking back, I truly feel sorry. He was always apologetic for his actions but I guess it was my fault too. I know I should have tried to love him. Because if I did try a bit then I would have accepted his flaws. Then I would have helped him become a better person. Bottom line. You have to love someone first before you get into a relationship. Love comes first. I should have known better.

And maybe, I wasn't the right woman for him. Maybe I wasn't meant to change him. Maybe I wasn't ready yet. Maybe I'm still not ready now. How can I be ready when all I think of right this moment is this crazy obsession with Jang Hyuk? And I'm getting worse by the day. Haha. But really, these crazy little things make me happy.

When I hear people complain about being single and lonely, I'd often wonder, does marriage equate happiness? Because as far as I'm concerned I've always been happy and satisfied. I have the love of my family and friends. Some people are married yet they are living in despair.

I would love to get married of course. I still pray that someday I'd get to have my own family. But if I keep reminding myself to find someone, then I will be missing out on a lot of great things that are coming my way and lose sight of what this life is about and that is to live life happily.

Hyukie Junkie Part 2

As I was watching Fated to Love You, I found myself enjoying each episode. At first, I was drawn to Kim Mi Young for her kindness and innocence. I actually did not like Lee Gun at the beginning of the drama. I thought he was way too loud and immature. But towards the middle of the series, Lee Gun finally won me over. Episodes 11 and 12 were the turning point to this change of heart.

In Lee Gun, I felt the pain in letting go of the one you love. I cried when he bravely kept his tears, trying to deny his own heart's happiness. I wanted to comfort him when he was at a distance gazing at the woman he loved dearly. I found kindness in his spirit that was easy to grasp. I related with him more than I ever did with any character in any drama.

The more exposed I was with Lee Gun, the more curious I was in finding out the man behind the character. How could an actor do so much to a stereotypically rich, proud leading man in a romantic comedy? Jang Hyuk was so fully committed to the role, he breathed life to Lee Gun in a way that made the character endearing, relatable and timeless.

I looked up at his filmography and didn't even know that he has been doing mostly serious roles in the past couple of years. The last time I checked, he was playing silly characters that barely caught my interest. It turns out, I missed out on a lot of Hyukie films and dramas.

So I watched Chuno and was in awe the entire time. He was Lee Dae Gil from start to finish with no sign of holding back. He cried with bitter sorrow and fought bravely even knowing of imminent defeat. His stunts were as amazing as his acting. His body was as jaw-dropping as his pretty face. Okay so now, I'm back to fangirling. Haha!

Seriously though, Jang Hyuk is a total package. He does his own stunts and is even a trained martial artist. That explains a string of projects in the action genre the previous years. But in my opinion, Jang Hyuk is most effective when he does drama. His eyes can express a hundred different emotions. It's unbelievable!

And then came FTLY. His comedic timing and at times, slapstick humor are just too hard to resist. He brutally made me laugh and cry all at the same time! Some of the best actors are those who excel in both drama and comedy. Anything in common with my all time favorite actors? Kevin Kline, Robert De Niro, Jack Nicholson & Tom Hanks. Yes, they all have that dramatic-comedic combo. It's a very rare talent to have and I'm proud to say that Jang Hyuk is that rare combo.

But wait, there's more! He's got abs, a beautiful face, cute dimples, killer smile, perfect nose and luscious lips! Simply put, he's drop-dead gorgeous! And did I mention how great a kisser he seems to be? Lucky girls who get to kiss him on screen. But mostly, I envy you Jang Nara! Lol. Forgive my being a fangirl...again!

Hyukie Junkie Part 1

It's been a long time since my last post. Well, if you happen to notice, I've been having that same intro the last couple of years eversince I got too lazy to update this blog. Do I sound like a broken record already? I know right!

Okay, so it's already 2014 and I haven't even had a single entry on this blog. There's just rougly three months left till this year ends and where have I been all this time? Not much I guess. But not less either.

Why? Coz I found a new inspiration in Jang Hyuk oppa! Yes, after a celebrity fangirling drought, I am so back. And even better!

So who is this guy who suddenly turned my ice cold heart melt with burning love? Jang Hyuk is a South Korean actor who starred in the films Please Teach Me English and Windstruck and the television series Bright Girl. After completing his military service, he returned to acting via the heartwarming series Thank You. His biggest success came when he played Lee Dae Gil in the highly-rated & critically acclaimed series Chuno for which he won numerous awards.

Hyukie oppa was already successful in the early 2000s. I know I've seen his films then. I even had a chance to get a glimpse of him on Bright Girl when it aired on a local tv channel sometime in 2004, if I'm not mistaken. But I wasn't really smitten. Or maybe I wasn't just looking close enough.

So fastforward to August of this year. I'm a sucker for romance and Kdrama is just perfect for people like myself. Yes, I've been watching Kdramas for so many years now, I can't count how many series I've watched and how many actors I've been infatuated with. Jo Hyun Jae, Bae Soo Bin, Kim Min Jong, Lee Dong Wook, So Ji Sub, Ko Soo, Jo In Sung and the list goes on.

Now the question is...how on earth did Jang Hyuk fall off my radar? Simply put, where has he been hiding all this time? Has he been hiding from me? Well, that brings me to finding this gem of an actor in the Korean adaptation of the original Taiwanese series Fated to Love You. Jang Hyuk hasn't acted in a romantic comedy for more than a decade and that explains why I haven't seen him coz I watch too many sappy romantic dramas.

Honestly, I was quite hesitant to watch FTLY because I didn't watch the Taiwanese version & had no idea what it was about. But then, a really boring weekend with nothing much to choose from made me want to give it a try. And goodness, I have to thank that boring weekend coz my life will never be the same. I found the most endearing male protagonist in any Korean series, and that is my beloved Lee Gun. The best part is, Lee Gun reintroduced me to the brilliant and charismatic guy that is Jang Hyuk!

Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz The higher of these two numbers below indicates which side of your brain has dominance in your life. Realising your right brain/left brain tendancy will help you interact with and to understand others. Left Brain Dominance: (9) Right Brain Dominance: (11) Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz

Learning Slowly

These past couple of days, I've been trying to finally learn how to play the piano. There's this music teacher on youtube who's been so generous enough to post almost everything anyone would need to know about playing the piano. His name is Andrew Furmanczyk. I suggest that you watch his youtube channel Lypur because he's easily comprehensible and even funny at times. You'll never get bored even if he gets to the really hard theories and stuff.

Anyways, going back to my piano study...Since I have no prior knowledge of music, it must be obvious that it was quite difficult to understand the many different (difficult!) concepts that were being discussed in the tutorials. So I figured to stop for a moment, slowly absorb concepts and to actually start working on a keyboard at least.

Guess it's helping! I've actually completed a single melody just playing by ear, not thinking about notes' names yet. The good thing though is, I actually now know the names of those notes I included in the melody that I had created. If I get to play and play more often, then maybe I'll get familiar with the notes even more. The best way to learn something is to immerse yourself into it and make it a regular part of your life.

I can't promise to play and practice everyday, but if I can't practice then I can always watch Lypur's video and learn some more. Hopefully, I'll learn even if it's at a snail's pace. I don't really mind. I've waited this long to learn to play. A few months or years will only feel like tomorrow.

The Extra Man

On a lazy Saturday evening as I was relaxing comfortably trying to turn a calm contemplation into a more lively stance, I chanced upon an old Henry IV book of mine stuck in a stock full of piles underneath my laptop stand. Just then at that moment, I thought about the author Henry James. I don't even know why but it may have been the name Henry that prompted me to recall the film The Extra Man where Henry James was mentioned.

So first off, this isn't a film review. I don't think I can ever convince anyone to consider this one as such since all I will be writing about is how much I loved watching it.

The Extra Man stars Paul Dano as young writer Louis Ives who meets "extra man" Henry Harrison played so humorously by Kevin Kline. These two actors have worked previously in the film The Emperor's Club which I also enjoyed a lot. It's just a pleasure to see them on screen again with Kline and Dano (though looking a lot more mature now) still having that teacher-protege vibe in them.

But going back to the film, what is an extra man in the first place? As the film suggests, women being able to outlive men need an extra man to escort them to gatherings or any event and fill an empty seat in a predominantly women filled table. 

This isn't the only thing going on in this film though. More than Henry's work as a "gentleman", the film revolves around Louis' uncertainty of being. We see a young man lost in his own dreamy world, unable to express himself to anyone. Apparently, Henry, for all his quirkiness and snobbish idealism manages to attract Louis and somehow help him come to terms with reality although at certain times, Henry himself gets lost in his own dreams. And this is what drives the movie forward. 

I have not seen any two protagonists as polarizing as these characters in recent years or I may not have been watching too many films. On the one hand, we see Henry who is loud, proud and assertive. On the other, we see Louis who is shy, flimsy and wobbly. But both being a writer though each one having an issue in the past or in the present waiting to be resolved, their conversations get to be the strongest points of the film and it certainly moves the film from merely evoking wit and humor into tackling more sensible subjects like friendship, loyalty and forgiveness. Slowly we understand where the both of them are coming from. And I guess as the story progresses, their friendship becomes not only plausible but necessary. 

Kevin Kline is just outright incredible in this movie. I don't think he's ever acted badly. His comic timing is genius and he is so convincing playing the part of a proud gentleman. Paul Dano plays a complex Louis carefully acting out all the intricacies of the character. I think more than Kline's role, Dano's Louis required a more delicate treatment yet somehow Dano manages to make it work by bringing out that natural awkwardness in him and ultimately making Louis believable and sympathetic. And yes, John C. Reilly is also in this film to add some form of entertainment. At certain moments in the film, he actually stole the spotlight. Got to love that voice!

So obviously, I'm in love with this film. I guess I lost count how many times I've seen it. If you're not into talky films then you may not enjoy The Extra Man. Watching it though gives me the feeling of living in an era of a forgotten past. The film appeals to me the same way The Great Gatsby and Catcher in the Rye did. Studying literature in college, I was able to read a lot of American novels and I'd like to believe that this film is an homage to American literature of the earlier days. It's an experiment and it certainly worked. It may not have the most intriguing plot but it sure makes sense of the idea that each one of us has our own eccentricities yet we come to terms with them and continue living our lives the way it should be lived.

Gift of People

Sometimes, the most interesting conversations are those that happen unexpectedly with people we don't normally get to talk to but whose lives are just as colorful as ours. It's a gift that somehow, in the chaos and uncertainty of life, our paths cross with that of others and ultimately form a perfect plan. Who would have known that a simple lunch in the office would completely change my mind on a certain issue?

In many ways, the fact that humans have the ability to speak makes it even more important that we not only have that gift of speech for saying what we think and feel but essentially using it to share our stories of joy, triumphs and even sadness that others could learn from.

I can't elaborate what we talked about early today since it's kind of a sensitive issue but boy do I agree  on one thing: never lose sight of who you are.

It's true that nothing stays permanent in this world. We constantly change and move. We're faced with sometimes the extreme of extremes be it success or failure. Yes, things around us change, but do we need to change too just to appropriate to a completely unrecognizable path? Our looks may change, even the way we dress but we need to preserve the purity in our heart, the good intention in our thoughts and the happiness within our smiles. We should never let our goodness take a backseat in every triumph or failure. That's when we actually need it the most.

It was depressing to have listened to an almost happily ever after story because it ended so tragically. And in the last couple of hours, I have been wishing that I didn't hear about such sad story. But then, maybe God willed that I hear about it so I could learn from it and never do the same mistakes.