Love them both

At this moment, I feel like being placed in between two adjacent volcanoes, praying in vain that none will suddenly erupt.

They weren't that way before. My parents have been together over the past 30 years, and with all honesty, nothing ever shook their relationship. They aren't the romantic couple to begin with, so I never really expected too much from them. But they have always been a happy couple…Until lately, when my mother started to get jealous of a female helper who lived in our house.

I don't know what to feel or how to react. I do understand them both. My mother could have felt a little threatened that another woman was doing the household chores that she's been used to doing all these years. My father, for his part was getting pissed that his every action was being subject to suspicion by mommy. The household helper had already gone, but the problem seems to go on endlessly. Mommy, although not directly accusing my father, most of the time burdens him with jokes that link him to the poor girl. Dad doesn't find humor in it though. It's not funny.

Last night, my father came home drunk. I overheard him argue with my mother. I wanted to butt in, stop them from arguing but I guess there was no sense in doing it. He was drunk after all. He wouldn't listen. I looked at my mother, sort of telling her not to say anything anymore to prevent any more serious fights.

This morning when I woke up, they weren't speaking with each other. My father was so cold and stoic. It was so much unlike him. He's always been the joker among us. I guess I got my happy disposition from him, even the love for singing and drawing. So many good things about my father that I can't totally ignore, even if, let's say I found out he's having an affair with another woman.

He was 22 years old when he ran away from home to look for better prospects in the city. For quite some time, he was homeless. My father would narrate how his own father denied him a chance to go to college so he rebelled by running away. In the city, he worked as a janitor. There he met my mother and when my mother's father would beat her up (my maternal grandfather constantly beat up my poor mother which probably played a part into what she has become, sensitive at times), my father came to her rescue. They eloped. Not too long, they got married, and my father, with the help of my mother's siblings enrolled him in a vocational school. Soon after, my father became a mechanic and then, a car painter. That's where we got our money from. Who would have thought we'd have good education with the salary he got?

I'm not eliminating the possibility that he might have another woman. But I haven't seen one. Honestly, I don't feel like there's anyone. His whole life has been devoted to us. He comes home on time, his weekends are spent with us. If he drinks, he does so because he loves to sing karaoke. Then he comes back. He sleeps on the same bed as mom. The last time, mom got sick, he took care of her. I know how much he loves mom. That's why I can't fathom why mommy feels threatened.

But then, of course I can't blame my mother. At her age of 67, she could be feeling a little insecure especially knowing there was a younger woman in the household.

My brother and I, we both tell her to trust dad. We've been through the hardest times. We were so poor then but we never fell apart. I can't understand why this whole suspicion of another girl can break us apart. There were more important issues that came before, and we were able to weather them.

Mom is quiet now. This time though, she's sweeter to dad. I really wish things will be the same again, that things will get better. I can't be happy knowing that they're not. I love them both.